I said, “Here I am. Send me.” Isaiah 6:8 (NLT)
I am a co-vocational church planter. What does that mean exactly? It means that I have two jobs. One is my day job and one is church planting. When all this started I wasn’t sure how it was going to work. Surely there would be days when the demands were too much and I couldn’t handle it. But over the years God has been processing how this actually works with me. He’s allowed me to ease into it.
When he first said that he was calling me into ministry, I had no idea what it looked like and that journey is its own story. But here we are, co-vocationally planting a church. Of course, we are in the baby step phases. I am sure it will get more challenging as we go but one thing I’ve learned, God is in control of all of it, including the crazy schedule. Each day (that usually has too many things in it), I’ve watched God move this, cancel that, open up pockets of time and at the end of the day, what gets done is what He wants done. It’s actually fascinating to watch.
Recently, as I’ve been more comfortable with the uncertainty of it all, another layer was added. Some opportunities came up that are in line with ministry but in a slightly different way. I started praying. As I prayed, I asked God “How in the world did we get here?” And He said “You asked me to use you.” And of course, He was right. I did. Many times over the years.
The morale of this story could be “Be careful what you pray for.” Or maybe “What it looks like to pray dangerous prayers.” But I don’t think so. And even though they pop into my head, those thoughts are way too limited.
As I look back on the years that have passed since God first called, I see a consistent movement to get me more dependent on Him. He has grown my trust in ways I didn’t think possible. He’s taken away what I thought I was in control of to the point that I’ve realized I am not actually in control of anything….even my time. He has consistently shown up and showed off (I love it when he does that!) He has lovingly allowed me time to take it all in so I don’t run screaming from the room when something new pops up. He is exciting and challenging. Sometimes, it’s downright scary.
God is dangerous. He is not predictable. If you say “Please send me.” He will. He might give you a little time to learn more and He might not. But you can always depend on Him. You can trust that He loves you and that he is good. He will stretch you but man, it’s the most “fill you up until you burst inside” thing you will ever do. And you realize no matter how much you are doing, it pales in comparison to what Jesus has already done.
I will never fully know who God is in my lifetime. He is too awesome for that. But I can promise you, if you seek Him, you will find Him. He will love on you in ways you cannot imagine! So go ahead! Ask Him to use you. Ask Him to send you. Then sit back and relax and watch Him come alive in your life!