More Heart

Trust in the Lord with all your heart, And lean not on your own understanding; Proverbs 3:5 (NKJV)

When I started my journey with God....actually, that’s not accurate. I have been on a journey with God for a long time. How about this? When God decided it was time I went “All In”, Proverbs 3:5 became my life verse.

Life as I knew it was changing. It was falling apart all around me. My business lost our largest contract due to unscrupulous actions of others. I had to lay most of the staff off. I was not going to be able to pay myself. From where I stood, I was about to lose everything. And this is where I, in a panic stricken state, was numbly sitting. And trust me, numbly is the correct word. I think I was in shock. All I could do was pray “Help me.” I was sure everything was going to collapse around me. I imagined losing my home and all sorts of other things.

For three days I just walked around and prayed “God, please help me.” I didn’t tell anyone what was happening. Not even my husband because I felt like if I spoke it, it would become more real.

After about 3 days, I woke up and Proverbs 3:5 was the first thing I heard. Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. I’m going to be honest. I knew it was a Bible verse but I didn’t know where it was in the Bible. I got up, went downstairs and looked it up. I knew it was God talking to me. The rest of my “All In” journey is a series of awesome miracles with God showing up and teaching me to be “All In.”

Fast forward a few years. It’s been a roller coaster ride with God. We are definitely “All In” (Well, we think we are. I am sure God has more “In” in mind.) As we travel this journey, I pray. I pray that God leads us into a deeper surrender and a deeper walk. I pray that for us and our families.

Recently, my son came and told me God had been speaking to him. He said he needed to start his “All In” journey with God. Those are not his words. They are mine. And I said OK.

There are a lot of scary things in this that I am not going to share because it is not my story to tell but this Mama’s heart was in a knot. What if this? And what if that? How is this going to happen, etc.? And God gently says “Let it go Mama. I am his God. I love him and am calling him.” Trust me when I say “letting it go” is a constant process. 

Isn’t this what I have always wanted? Isn’t this what I have always prayed for? Here’s the really funny thing. When God walked me through the “All In” process, it was scary because depending on God and God alone is well....terrifying. But when it’s your son or daughter, well, it takes scary to a new level. We are always used to helping. And we can’t. Not this time. This is something I can’t do. This belongs solely to God.

And then my life verse shows up and I realize that in this case, when God says “Trust me with all of your heart”, I am. All of my heart includes my kids and my family. Suddenly, trust me is about truly trusting him with the most precious things in my life. And I do. With all of my heart and all of the people in my heart. I know that whatever God has planned for them is WAY better than what I can ask or imagine. 

So here we are.....going “All In” with “All of our heart.”

Something's Fishy

Then the sailors picked Jonah up and threw him into the raging sea, and the storm stopped at once!  The sailors were awestruck by the Lord’s great power, and they offered him a sacrifice and vowed to serve him. Jonah 1:15-16 (NLT)

God is so funny. Here is Jonah, a prophet, called to speak for God. God gives him an assignment and Jonah decides he does not want this one. So he goes in the opposite direction. He literally walked away. His defiance is really pretty remarkable when you think about it. But God does not let him go. God follows him….chases him really.

Jonah boards a ship and trying to forget what he’s done, trying to feel better, he takes a nap. While we may be surprised, we each have our ways of ignoring what God is telling us to do. Napping, social media, TV, food, shopping, working….the list is very long. Maybe because he couldn’t look at Facebook Jonah decides to nap.

In the meantime, God decides he is going to get Jonah’s attention and he sends a huge storm. Funny thing is Jonah sleeps right through it. The storm however, is not lost on the other people on the ship. They start praying, rowing, throwing cargo overboard and questioning. They start asking what they had done to cause this. Everyone but Jonah who is still asleep!

They wake him up and ask why he isn’t praying. Jonah isn’t praying because he knows the answer already. We do that too don’t we? God makes a request. We don’t do it for some reason. We understand that we’ve done something wrong and so we stop praying. Humans.

Jonah begins to realize this is futile so he tells them to throw him over and the problem will go away. They tried to fix it themselves but couldn’t so they threw Jonah into the abyss. Storm stopped. The ocean became calm and their lives were spared.

The crew bowed and worshiped. They offered sacrifices to this new God they had just experienced and they vowed to serve him.

And here is what I learned from this story. God wants us to obey but even when we don’t, even when we mess up and go our own way, His glory will be revealed. He will still do what he wants to do. And what does He want to do more than anything? Show His children (ALL OF US) who He is. He wants to get our attention. He wants to draw us into a close relationship with Him and He will use any means to do it. Including our mistakes.

Interestingly, God throughout this story continued to lead Jonah, work with Jonah and teach Jonah. Even though Jonah was being stubborn and really kind of belligerent, God did not give up on him. It’s good to know that He doesn’t give up on us either. Personally, I think I’ll try to obey because God has a million ways to bring His plan about. I’d prefer not to end up in the belly of a fish!

The In-Between

And Christ lives within you, so even though your body will die because of sin, the Spirit gives you life because you have been made right with God. The Spirit of God, who raised Jesus from the dead, lives in you. And just as God raised Christ Jesus from the dead, he will give life to your mortal bodies by this same Spirit living within you. Romans 8:10-11 (NLT)

Recently, I’ve been thinking about this verse and others like it. As Christians, we talk a lot about Christ’s life, death and resurrection, as we should. We talk about his 2nd coming and the hope that we have as we look forward. Again, we should.

One thing we don’t seem to talk about very much is the in-between. What about now? How do we live our lives right now, in the everyday mess? What does it mean to have Christ live in me? What does it mean to have the Holy Spirit take up residence in my body?

There are so many Bible texts that talk about this….too many to list but it is clear that the Holy Spirit living in you, Jesus living in you, gives you a power you do not have on your own. This live-in arrangement provides wisdom, understanding, and love. It teaches us when we don’t understand. The Holy Spirit provides our strength when we are weak, boldness and courage. He helps us dream dreams and overcome temptation. In Acts 1:8 it says he provides power to us. Dynamite Power!

Does it seem to anyone else that this might be missing in our world and our lives? Does it feel like maybe we are not tapping into this resource that we are given that helps us BE God’s people? It feels like it to me.

As I pondered this and prayed about it, I began to realize that I am not using the Holy Spirit power I was given. Why do I think I am stuck in that temptation? Why do I think I cannot do what God is asking or go where he is calling? Why do I sometimes have a spirit of fear? What’s up with that?

I have access to the power of God Almighty living in me! In me! So do you! The realization that my life could be so much more if I would only take hold of what was already given, began to settle in. And then it blew my mind. It would be like someone offering you a bazillion dollars and you stuck it under your mattress and didn’t use it. Except this is way better.

How do we start to tap into this God-given gift? First, pray. And keep praying that God will pour out more of the Spirit on you. That he will fill you so much you overflow. And then, remember. Remember when you are afraid. Remember when you are tempted. Remember when you need power and boldness. Remember, that He is right there. He is waiting for you to tap into Him. He is walking with you. Turn to Him and let him take over!

That’s what we do with the in-between.

Back to Basics

All the believers devoted themselves to the apostles’ teaching, and to fellowship, and to sharing in meals (including the Lord’s Supper), and to prayer.

A deep sense of awe came over them all, and the apostles performed many miraculous signs and wonders. And all the believers met together in one place and shared everything they had. They sold their property and possessions and shared the money with those in need. They worshiped together at the Temple each day, met in homes for the Lord’s Supper, and shared their meals with great joy and generosity— all the while praising God and enjoying the goodwill of all the people. And each day the Lord added to their fellowship those who were being saved. Acts 2:42-47

You know as a person growing up in the United States, I look at these texts and wonder “What did that look like?” And then I look at the way we “do church” now and wonder what needs to change….because it really doesn’t look like or do what the Bible says it should.

I used to look at this text and think this was a small group of people sharing together and taking care of each other but if you read verse 41, you see this was not the case. It says “Those who believed what Peter said were baptized and added to the church that day—about 3,000 in all.” More than 3,000 people used this method to do church. 3,000 people!

What did they do exactly? They shared Jesus both in the Temple (church) and at home. It wasn’t an either/or. It was a both/and. They celebrated Jesus together at church and they studied Jesus and his teachings together at home.

They bonded together by living life together. They shared meals, they hung out, they talked to each other, shared their happy times and their difficulties. During these times, they recounted what Jesus said and they prayed together.

They noticed their neighbors. They heard about people (probably from others in their group) that needed help and they helped them. They loved on and shared what they had with anyone who needed it. Because they lived their lives like this, people noticed. People were drawn in by their love and their caring. People wanted to know Jesus because of it.

Do you want to hear the crazy thing? They did this because they wanted to. There was no agenda. There were no goals to “grow the church.” This was just life. Living life like Jesus did. The formula is really pretty simple. Accept Jesus as your Savior. Live life like you mean it and love on each other.

Maybe it’s time we get back to basics. Notice what verse 47 says? And the Lord added to their fellowship those who were being saved. Not us. Not the program. The Lord. We just need to live like we mean it and God will do the rest.

Spotlighting

Then the eyes of both of them were opened, and they realized they were naked; so they sewed fig leaves together and made coverings for themselves. Genesis 3:7 (NIV)

I have a question. How did they know they were naked? How did they know what naked was? They’d never experienced it before. And why did they think that to be naked was a bad thing? I guess that’s three questions.

You know how something hits you when you are reading the Bible and you can’t get your mind around it? That is what happened to me when I read this. So I started talking to God about it. Here is what I came to….you may come to something else when you talk to God about it.

First, when we deliberately on purpose sin, God’s presence withdraws. He can’t be around sin. It is so opposite to who he is. And when God’s presence withdraws, I think evil fills in. Did Adam and Eve recognize their sin and shamefulness even though they had never experienced it before? I think when you are in a relationship with God, you are aware of the goodness of God and super aware of your lack of goodness.

Many years ago, I was in a relationship with God. It was amazing. I was so happy. Then temptation loomed its head and I gave in. I did something I knew God did not want me to do. And I remember distinctly the impact on my relationship with Jesus. I felt lost. I felt empty. I was very aware of my sin and every single sin in my life. I didn’t feel like God was there. I felt alone.

Usually when we sin, we have taken our focus off of God and put it on ourselves. So when that spotlight is on us, we realize pretty quickly that the spotlight is in the wrong place. It illuminates all that is wrong and misguided. It illuminates our selfish nature and our compromised hearts.

As I felt this loneliness and darkness, I pleaded with God to help me. I asked him to forgive me and if we could please talk again and be close again. I told him I needed him. One day, I was sitting in my car pleading with God again and I heard “If the Son has set you free, you are free indeed.” (John 8:36) And I knew. I knew the answer to my prayer was Jesus. I knew the answer was that I return my focus to him.

And I did. It made all the difference. I was forgiven. I was loved. I also knew I didn’t want to deliberately choose sin anymore. I hated not feeling connected to God. It was awful. I never again want to turn the focus of my attention on me. I want it to be on Jesus so I don’t lose my way.

I have, of course, sinned since then….we do it every day. But I try not to deliberately choose to defy what I know God wants for my life. The cost is too great. I am also not so naive to believe that I am immune to Satan’s attacks. I am not. Please pray for me. Please pray that I will stay focused on Jesus and not move that spotlight to the wrong place. I will pray that for you too!

Praying with Heart

So Hannah ate. Then she pulled herself together, slipped away quietly, and entered the sanctuary. The priest Eli was on duty at the entrance to God’s Temple in the customary seat. Crushed in soul, Hannah prayed to God and cried and cried—inconsolably. Then she made a vow:

Oh, God-of-the-Angel-Armies,
If you’ll take a good, hard look at my pain,
If you’ll quit neglecting me and go into action for me
By giving me a son,
I’ll give him completely, unreservedly to you.
I’ll set him apart for a life of holy discipline. 1 Samuel 1:9-12 (MSG)

Hannah wanted desperately to have a child. Up to this point, she had not been able to get pregnant. Her heart was broken. Her soul was crushed. As she prayed to God, the God-of the Angel-Armies, the Lord in charge of everything, she went all in. She made a covenant with God. If he would give her a son, she would turn around and give the child back to God.

Wait. What? She pleaded for what she wanted but also was willing to let it go. She was willing to receive the gift and then release it back to God…for his purposes.

Made me wonder….do I pray like that? Do I pray with a heart that asks God for what I want not for my benefit but for his? Am I willing to receive the gifts God gives me, the answers to prayer that he provides and then turn around and give them back? Am I willing to use them for his purpose, for his glory?

And then I had to ask myself, what would happen if I did? How would I be changed if I was like Hannah and I trusted God so much with my desires that I was willing to surrender them to Him?

Father God, I know my heart is not in that place. I am asking you to help me get there. Teach me, Lord, to surrender my desires to you; to do with what you will. Like Hannah, give me the joy she had when she surrendered her gift back into your very capable hands. In Jesus Name, Amen

The Sometimes Me

I do not understand what I do; for I don't do what I would like to do, but instead I do what I hate. Romans 7:15 (GNT)

I am a planner. Probably too much so. I like to plan. It makes me feel like I know what’s going on. When I pray, I ask God for the plan. He doesn’t give me the plan and that’s OK because it would probably scare me to see it. I then ask him to do what he needs to do to get me and my life in line with his plans.

And I really mean it when I am praying it.

And then he does something.

Recently, someone I am close to shared that God had been speaking to him. God was telling him to take a step of faith and do something else. He didn’t have a lot of details. He just knew he was supposed to follow.

So you’d think that if I said to God “Please use me. Please do what you want to do in my life. Please show up in the people’s lives that I love.” you’d think that when he did it I would be thrilled because God was moving. You’d think I’d be excited because he is answering my prayers.

Well, I wasn’t. I was scared. Suddenly, a lot of stuff was changing. My normal was shifting and I wasn’t sure what it was going to look like. And, the normal for my loved one was shifting too. I was not happy. I did not want this to happen, even though it was what I was praying for.

This is the sometimes me. Sometimes I want God to move in miraculous ways. And when he does, I sometimes don’t. I don’t want the change….especially when it is uncertain and I don’t have a plan.

Here’s the thing. All of the emotions that go along with this are real and they are OK. It is OK that I am unsure because I can’t see what it looks like. It is OK that I am scared and nervous. It is OK that I admit that I am not OK. And in doing this I will lay it before Jesus. I do want what God wants and I do want him to interfere with my life so his plan (not mine) is in place.

So today, I will keep walking…..and planning….and trusting until he interrupts those plans again.

A New Day

So also Christ was offered once for all time as a sacrifice to take away the sins of many people. He will come again, not to deal with our sins, but to bring salvation to all who are eagerly waiting for him. Hebrews 9:28 (NLT)

A NEW SHEET,
He came to my desk with a quivering lip, the lesson was done.
“Have you a new sheet for me, dear teacher?
I’ve spoiled this one.”
I took his sheet, all soiled and blotted
and gave him a new one all unspotted.
And into his tired heart I cried,
“Do better now, my child.”

A NEW DAY,
I went/came to the throne with a trembling heart;
the day was done.
“Have you a new day for me, dear Master?
I’ve spoiled this one.”
He took my day, all soiled and blotted
and gave me a new one all unspotted.
And into my tired heart he cried,
“Do better now, my child.”

Author anonymous, “A New Leaf,” James G. Lawson, compiler, The Best Loved Religious Poems (Grand Rapids: Fleming H. Revell, 1961).